Williams Family Open Christmas Newsletter 2017

Well, what a year 2017 was.

Professionally, I am proud to say that I have written three unpublished books this year. Had they been published the word ‘prolific’ would not be out of order. As it is, ‘deluded’ is perhaps a more accurate description.

In more positive news, I have not been called out for sexual harassment in the workplace. That’s not to say I haven’t reflected upon past behaviours to see where I fall on the harassment spectrum. I am happy to state with a degree of certainty that I have masturbated neither openly in front of staff, nor into pot plants.

In political news, my negative feelings towards President Trump have remained unabated. I had the opportunity during the year of attending a function in Washington DC where the President may have been present. I was pressed by family to attend with the sole purpose of ‘taking Trump down’. When I protested that I would probably receive a lethal injection as a consequence of such an action, my wife countered by saying it would give her a great story for the girls at work.

In travel news, I had no less than three planned overseas trips, two to the US and one to Australia. Each one fell through. Contrary to expectations, this was not a source of disappointment to me. The opportunity to avoid obligations I had previously made to people by saying with some legitimacy that I was travelling overseas was intensely satisfying.

In personal matters, I’m happy to say I remain cisgender.

I stopped drinking caffeinated coffee in the second half of the year, on account of heart palpitations. I took up decaffeinated coffee instead, and consequently added irritable bowel syndrome to my arrhythmia.

I also began a five-two diet, which requires you to fast for two days out of every seven. My nominated days are Monday and Thursday, and on both days I have done quite well … until around five to two, when I am so hungry I drive to McDonalds for a Snack Bundle. I haven’t lost any weight.

Finally, in employment news, I paid more tax this year than I earnt. I resigned from one position the day before it was due to begin. I have wasted hours on Seek looking at positions that fail to mention you are required to work wth other people. I interviewed for a role at Fonterra but mistakenly confessed my lactose intolerance. I remain hopeful.

That’s 2017.

Merry Christmas everyone